his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
