I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
