Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize