Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
