Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
