I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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