i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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