so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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