Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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