If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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