So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
