i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
