I am midnight drunk by noon
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My bed smells like the plague
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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