So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
