did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
