the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
