We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
