I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
