Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
