She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
