anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
