when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
