when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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