and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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