I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
