Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fill condoms, not promises.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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