I wish I could punch you in the face.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
