I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
