she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
