It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
