I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
