Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
