Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
