it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
