Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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