I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
