I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
