The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
