I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
