I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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