the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
