My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
