try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
