Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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