remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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