Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
