Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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