: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize