That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
