you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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