i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
babies were throwing up all over the place
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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