If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
