fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
