I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
is wine microwaveable?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
