i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
