i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
