I wish I could punch you in the face.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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