His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
