you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
