I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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