Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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