She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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