she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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