Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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