Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
