just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
