yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize