A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
