1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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