only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
