he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So much rum. So many feels.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize